In life, we encounter many types of people, some of whom are difficult to be around. They may annoy you, test your patience, act selfishly, or have another way of getting under your skin. Whatever the case may be, these people—no matter how challenging—are still people that should be treated with respect. Even if they don’t show respect to you, it’s best to turn the other cheek and choose kindness. Remember, it might not be easy, but it is the right thing to do.
Don’t Be Difficult in Return
When you’re communicating with a difficult person, the most automatic response is to be difficult right back to them. But picking the easiest way out is hardly the best route. If anything, this response will only escalate the situation and result in you both becoming more upset. Instead, try taking a deep breath and following these tips:
Maintain your composure. If you get frantic or upset, the other person is unlikely to become less difficult. If a person is being irrational and you remain calm, they are more prone to recognize their actions and adjust them.
Try to gain insight. Some people act out because they don’t feel understood. The more you work to understand that person, the better you’ll be at showing them empathy or recognition.
Look to others for advice. If you’re struggling to communicate effectively with a difficult person, you’re probably not the first. Ask your friends, colleagues, or managers to see how they might deal with the situation.
Help them understand you. Occasionally, the troublesome individual is being that way because they feel uninformed. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and give them the low-down on your actions or situation. It may help them empathize.
Show them your humanity. Meaning is often lost in virtual communication. Bringing a sense of life and feeling back to the conversation can help. Instead of typing, try talking. Give the person a phone call or meet them in person.
Treat them with respect. Don’t become disrespectful when a difficult person is upsetting you. Remember that we all should feel respected, even if you don’t think someone deserves it.
Focus on a solution, not the problem. Instead of mulling over an issue, take action and find a solution. If someone is being difficult because of a problem you may or may not have caused, tell them you’ll do your best to solve it.
Forget it. Some people are beyond help and are just inherently difficult. When all else fails and the problematic individual can’t seem to be reasoned with… forget it. Don’t waste your energy on something that is beyond your control.
Refer to another person. If you’re able to refer the disgruntled individual to a superior, do so. Occasionally the difficult person just wants to voice their frustrations to someone with authority.
Try to Be Helpful and Empathetic
While you’re doing your best to help difficult people, remember to avoid being judgmental. You don’t know what the person has going on in their life. Be as helpful as you can but don’t stretch yourself too thin. It’s okay to hand the difficult individual off to someone else. Sometimes a fresh perspective can help generate a solution.
Don’t act defensively. The moment you appear offended is the moment that the difficult person makes you their problem. If you remember that their problem isn’t about you, it’ll be easier to stay levelheaded. Also, keep in mind that one person behaving poorly is different from another person behaving poorly. One size does not fit all. You’ll have to find different solutions for each difficult person—so be flexible. It helps to think of the situation logically and imagine yourself separate from the equation. Try to look outside yourself for a moment and “observe” the interaction from a bird’s eye view while internally asking these questions:
- How might this person respond if I did this?
- How should I respond if the person says this?
- Will saying this offend them?
- How can I solve this person’s problem?
- Is there an underlying issue that this person isn’t talking about?
- What events may have led this person to act like this?
- What can I do to help them?
Asking these questions will help you to understand where the difficult person is coming from. The questions may also bring a little more clarity to how you might handle the ordeal. Avoid being deceptive and acting like you’ll be of assistance. Whatever the situation, truly do your best to help that individual get the answers they need. The more you try, the more genuine your efforts will appear. Don’t play tricks, just find the fix.
Solving other people’s problems often requires confidence. If you feel wishy washy and aren’t sure you can help, try building up your self-confidence first.
