Whether you have the joy of biological children or the privilege of adopted little ones, being a parent takes hard work. It can even leave you experiencing guilt for not being with your child at all times. This feeling is compounded when you start to buy into the mom (or dad!) myths that pop up everywhere and leave you feeling like an underachiever. If your mind starts to spiral in this negative direction, stop! To help you bust up the myths we read in parenting books and overhear on the playground, we’ve put together some helpful reminders just for you.
Myth: Unless an authority figure says it’s true, it likely isn’t reliable information.
Not true! Baby led weaning, sleep training, and exposure to classical music might be on trend right now, but that doesn’t mean that has to be your approach. In fact, it’s even okay to question the doctor. If you’re confident that your baby has been feeding regularly but the scale says they aren’t gaining weight, ask your pediatrician to weigh your child again. If your doctor says spit up is normal, but you feel like the amount your newborn is expelling isn’t quite right—speak up! There are a million parenting books out there telling you what to do. But remember that you always have a say, too! No child is the same, so it makes sense that each parenting style will be unique, as well.
Truth: Trust your instincts.
It’s normal to feel underprepared and overwhelmed when the nurse signs your discharge papers and sends you home after you’ve had a child. Are you really responsible for this tiny lifeform 24/7? Are you capable of feeding, nurturing, and keeping your newborn safe? Yes! Even if you’re unsure at times, trust your instincts. Your body and your brain are amazing creations, and you’ll find that you naturally know how to protect a baby’s delicate head and when to pat its back after feeding. Your baby (and you) need to be in a positive and supportive environment with people who have similar values. There’s no reason to feel guilt for deciding not to use cloth diapers or to purée all your kiddos foods yourself. If you’re feeling judged: by your friends, by your doctor, by yourself—switch up your surroundings.
Myth: You’re responsible for anything that happens to your child.
Wrong! It’s up to you to provide guidance for your child, but they’re responsible for their actions. This applies to both successes and failures. If your child makes the volleyball team, be proud of them! But don’t take credit for their success. They put in the hard work, showed up, and gave it their all. Conversely, don’t burden your child with your hopes and dreams—that’s just not fair.
Truth: Lead by example.
Live with integrity and stick to your values in the hopes that your child will benefit from following in your footsteps. It’s our job as parents to keep them safe and to try our best to prepare them for anything negative they might encounter in life. Focus on showing your child how to respond appropriately to life’s ups and downs.
Myth: You have to give up the activities you love in order to be a good parent.
This couldn’t be further from the truth. Instead, see if you can incorporate your new addition in these activities by taking them for a walk with you (bonus if the walk ends at your favorite pastry shop). Or clearly vocalize your needs to your spouse and delegate tasks to those around you. People often want to help but aren’t sure where to start. Ask a friend to wash bottles while your neighbor holds the baby, so you can have an hour of quiet time. It’s never selfish to stay true to your needs.
Truth: Don’t pour from an empty cup.
Once you have a child, parenthood is a part of who you are. It’s an exhausting and beautiful, challenging and rewarding, part of you—but it’s not all of you. Remember to continue to value the activities that make you happy: reading a good book, taking a long bath, enjoying a workout class. There’s no guilt involved in continuing to do the things you love. Commit to finding time to enjoy your favorite pastimes. If you ignore what makes you happy, you’ll find yourself feeling drained and unable to be present with your loved ones.
Myths, broken. Bye-bye “Mom Guilt”!
No matter how many What to Expect™ books you read, you’re never truly prepared for the day a tiny baby is placed into your arms. By embracing your unique gifts and knowing that this baby came to you for a reason—you can feel more confident with your role. There are so many myths out there filling parents with anxiety and uncertainty. Ignore them all. Rather than wasting time worrying, enjoy the time you have with your children. As the saying goes, the days might feel long, but the years are short—and your kids will be grown up before you know it.
As you raise your precious child and do your best to lead by example, it’s also important to kick your bad habits. This way you won’t have guilt for passing those habits on to your kid.
